Hoi An and Hue (Motorbikes, Cobra Wine, and Much More)



One of the attractions in Hoi An.



9:07AM Monday June 4, 2012 Hue, Vietnam

When we arrived in Hoi An we didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be.  There are so many shops catering to tourists.  As we walked through town we were constantly hailed, often dragged into shops by the owners.  I don’t think it’s possible to have any more tailors in one town.  It seemed like the tourist area, which was the beautiful part of town, contained solely tailors, restaurants, shoe shops, hotels, and bike and motorbike rentals.  Though the town was really amazing and truly spectacular to me it just seemed sad.  The locals seemed as jaded as is humanly possible by all of the tourists that come through town.  Nonetheless I made it my mission to enjoy my time even if I was in a place like Hoi An.  I did this by doing what any clear-minded person would do.  I bought a tailored suit.  You could get one for anywhere from $60 to $120.  I figured you get what you pay for and sprung for the $120 suit.  It’s amazing how quickly they churn out a suit.  Mine was completed in one night, and it fits perfectly.  I figured it would be worth it to get nice fitting shorts, so I got a pair of those as well for $20.

Picking out the color of my suit.

After hanging out at the hotel bar and playing some pool we met a big group of people from the UK, went out to some bars with them, and got transported by another bar’s staff on motorbike at really high speed through the streets to their bar.  It was a good night, and it turned out that was what we had in store for the next night as well.  The next day we met up with our friend Barbara who we’d met in Saigon.  We took it easy that day, going to the beach which was so much more enjoyable than the beach in Nha Trang.  Seeing locals out on the beach is much more enjoyable than seeing throngs of Russians.  We took turns playing in the ocean and the surf, what little there was of it, making sure to keep someone by our belongings just in case.  There was even a couple waves that were 2.5 feet that I could bodysurf on, but that was about as big as they got.



Bo wanted to bury me at the beach in Hoi An.



A nice view outside of Hoi An.

One of the paintings at a bar in Hoi An.

Following another night with the UK crowd, I stuck it out until 3AM, while Bo and Marlowe went in search for drunk food, we were ready to leave Hoi An. In the morning as we were about to check out we, and by that I mean I, decided it was time to try the cobra wine.  It had been sitting around for about a week now, and its time had come.  Scared shitless, but ever adventurous I broke the seal of the small bottle.  It was all or nothing from here on out.  I was up to bat against an evil, venomous foe.  I did possibly the stupidest thing possible by slightly sniffing the liquid before I drank it.  It smelled horrendous, and it definitely couldn’t taste good with that stench.  But I bought it, and I’m a man of principle.  I had to try it.  As I took my sip, no more than a quarter shot’s worth, from the glass it hit my lips and I immediately felt my stomach wrench in utter disgust.  To describe the taste would require a much larger vocabulary than mine, and would surely include some of the most vile words ever known to man.  I immediately grabbed the bottle of water nearby chugging half of it in seconds.  Only after a piece of gum was utilized did I escape the awful taste.  Peer pressure led to Bo trying it.  “Go Harder,” I stated as Bo took a small sip.  He had the same reaction, almost vomiting.  After a lot of convincing Marlowe stepped up to the plate.  In an act whose true insanity will forever escape my understanding Marlowe poured back the remainder of the cobra wine in one gulp.  The instantaneous chugging of water and spitting up on the floor was without a doubt one of the funniest things I’ve witnessed.  Who knew Marlowe was so daring or ludicrous.


Proof that it happened.





The first sip.




I immediately reached for the water.



Bo's turn.



Marlowe the champ.




That's his spit up on the floor right before we left the hotel.

 Anyways we opted for a motorbike ride from Hoi An to Hue.  After picking up my suit, and getting a ton of hassle from motorbike renters we talked them down to $35 to take their mopeds up to Hue.  Before getting on I made it my sole goal to find the 3,000 Dong beer.  That’s only 15 cents for a beer.  Who’s stupid enough to sell beers for 15 cents you may ask.  Many places is the answer.  The crazy thing was that it tasted pretty good for being 15 cents rivaling at the very least $1 beers in taste.  So I may have had the cheapest beer of my life, and I enjoyed every last drop of it.  Savoring its cheapness more than its flavor.  Back to the motorbiking though.  Our goal was to travel off the beaten path, avoiding the bus routes that take tourists directly up to Hue missing some absolutely beautiful areas.  Travel off the beaten path we did.  Within an hour or so of traveling inwards it became very evident that we were in a region where very few travelers go.  The surprised look on people’s faces seeing ‘whitey’ there was most definitely a treat.  So many people stare at you extremely quizzically, wondering how you’ve managed to get so lost.  This was a pleasant surprise though, and a very welcome one at that.  Soon though we encountered something we hadn’t planned for, a flat tire.  I noticed my motorbike wobbling a little and pulled over to find my back tire flat.  Getting it fixed wasn’t too much trouble as it happened in some random town where we could quickly locate a mechanic and get it fixed.  At the mechanic’s shop were a large group of Vietnamese children.  Their shyness and cute whisperings of ‘Hello!’ before hurriedly hiding their faces was adorable.  We said ‘Hi’ back, sending them into a gaggle of laughter and smiles.  This was repeated over and over again, and honestly it never got old.  After getting the tire fixed and receiving help restrapping my bag down to the back we headed off again.  It was clear that the lady who helped me at the mechanic’s shop had done a lot of strapping to those motorbikes, because my bag didn’t stray for the rest of the journey.  We traveled on, witnessing in the fading light some of the most breathtaking vistas we’ve seen yet.




3,000 Dong (15 cent) Beer.



What I believe to be propaganda billboards.  They'e everywhere.

My bag strapped to the back of the motorbike.

None of my pictures can do these views justice.

Barbara with the kids.

Another view along our moped ride.

Forging on in the darkness on our motorbikes we knew it would be a while until we made it to Hue.  I had already pushed my moped to the limit, and its highest speed was 90 km/h.  From our position on Barbara’s map on her iPad we were still a ways off.  Technology is awesome by the way.  Google maps and the locator literally told us where we were all the time.  It makes getting lost fairly impossible.  Anyways we rode off switching turns in the lead position, making our way towards Hue.  At one point we were winding along a mountain on a switchback road, and off to our right was Danang Bay illuminated by the lustrous moon.  That was a sight which I wish my camera could have captured well.  Alas it was not to be, so we tried our best and soldiered on.  From here on out we were to be reminded twice how dangerous motorbikes can be.  Upon getting towards the bottom of the winding mountain road we approached a fork in the road.  Marlowe not knowing which way to go braked quickly and pulled off to the side of the road.  With some combination of braking and dirt on the side of the road Bo and Marlowe spilled off of their bike.  They’re so lucky that it wasn’t worse, but they were both a little scraped up and bleeding in a couple places.  Some locals standing nearby quickly rushed to their help, and seeing a storm with an absurd amount of lightning brewing on the horizon we needed to jump back on to our bikes and ride.



Marlowe's injuries from his crash.  It could've been much worse.



From here on out I witnessed a ton of fires along the road, and we regularly just passed through the smoke plumes.  Barbara says they’re burning trash, though it didn’t smell like that kind of smoke.  The constant burning, dark night, brights of oncoming traffic, and the ever constant storm ahead gave the last hour of our trip a hellish feel as we sped along passing trucks and buses in the oncoming traffic lane.  We were even driven close to off the road a couple of times by reckless buses.  It was an exhilarating experience nonetheless.  What shocked us even more, and was extremely graphic and sad was to see our first person dead on the road from a motorbike accident.  There was a great crowd along the road as police tried to usher people on past the partially covered body.  The smattering and smearing of blood on the pavement was without a doubt troubling.  It was a drastic reminder of the importance of safety, helmets, and cautious riding.  I hope to never see that again, but Barbara stated it wasn’t her first and probably wouldn’t be her last time witnessing that here in Asia.  Luckily we arrived safely in to Hue, picked out a cheap hostel for $4/person per night and headed off to appease our ever rumbling stomachs with some fantastic street food.  In between writing this first part and now, I’m still in Hue and about to board a sleeper bus up to Hanoi.  I expect it to be bumpy and sleepless, but such is cheap travel in Vietnam.  Today in Hue we managed to go see the Imperial City which was beyond my wildest dreams.  The ornate decoration as with many old cultural heritage sites was under renovation, but it was extremely beautiful with red, glossy paint inlayed with specks of gold and shiny abalone shells.  It was also a massive compound so walking around was no easy tasks.  We even grabbed some fresh pressed cane juice with hints of lime and pineapple squeezed in.  Now we’re off to Hanoi for more adventures.



A walkway in the Imperial City.





Another part of the compound in Hue.